My friends,
In times like these…
In these uncertain times…
Now more than ever…
We are all so, so tired of these phrases.
I know many of you are afflicted with a crippling desire to be out romping on two wheels, but are instead staying home to be Good Citizens. I’m proud of you! I’m so proud of this entire dang state right now, I could burst.
I, myself, come from a land far, far away, where (believe it or not) for approximately five months out of every year… no one could ride. At all This fiendish hinterland, called “Michigan” (pronounced, “Potholes the size of Buicks,”) required all of us riders to hunker down during the long “winter” months, whimpering and cranky, waiting for that first day when the ice melted off the roads. “Ice,” for those of you who have no idea what that might mean outside of a cocktail glass, is frozen water that literally sits on top of the ground. It is slippery. I’m not even kidding, look it up.
This distant land of Michigan has these things called “seasons.” Michigan’s seasons are as follows:
Fuck You
It hurts my face to be outside
Ok, now it only hurts my lungs
Was that a robin?Spring
Psych!
Winter again.
Crocuses appear – Spring?
Sure, ok – Spring, for realsies
But just for a minute
One week of “early summer”
Blistering inferno
Harvest time
Leaves changing color time
Summer, part two
Three days of autumn
Gray
Cold
Wet
Lakes begin to freeze
You will die outside
There isn’t any snow anymore, but we swear it really is Christmas
This may seem like rather a long list of seasons, though there is one overriding bastard that I completely forgot: Construction. That runs from about March until November, thoroughly encompassing those all-too-brief riding months.
As I said, however, I am here to assist you in coping with these dark days. Here is a helpful list of suggestions for substitute activities to pass your time:
- My personal favorite: Sit on the bike in the garage and make vroom-vroom noises.
- Watch the various “Long Way” movies.
- Stare out the window and whimper.
- Remark to your significant other how it would be nice to just go for a quick ride.
- Soothe the ears that were just chewed out by said significant other with the dulcet tones of The Isle of Mann TT soundtrack.
- Use Google Earth (VR if possible) to scout some new routes.
- Spend a good thirty minutes arguing with yourself about whether “not going insane” is “essential travel” and how big of an asshole you’ll feel like if you get hurt going for a ride, COVID-19 be damned.
- Notice your significant other has That Look. Clean the garage instead.
- Have an animated conversation with your motorcycle(s). Read to them. Boop them on their snoots lovingly.
- Look forward to falling asleep every night to dreams of flying down the road (or through the air, as the case may be) astride your beloved machine.
Now, I’m told there are people walking amongst us Right Now who also do something called “washing” their bikes, which (I gather) involves soap and water. That sounds safe, but also a little tedious. Or scary. Or both? I’ll jump out of an airplane, man, but washing my bike? What madness is THAT?!
Personally, I have done almost no recreational riding since the lockdown began. While it may generally be safer to ride on the road right now due to less traffic, there is so much out of our control in terms of danger that I feel it is somewhat irresponsible to ride around for non-essential reasons.
However.
I have gone on three for-fun rides with three of my closest buddies, two of whom (Wade & Kiki) I sheltered in place with for awhile. We’re all very careful and asymptomatic, and though I know it’s not the perfect thing to do, I have to maintain a modicum of sanity somehow. You know – in these trying times. <hork>
When surrounded by beauty like this, the urge to ride is powerful.
But resist we must, because one never knows. I don’t want to be part of the problem. So I watch old GoPro video, I scour YouTube for new ADV content (anyone who hasn’t seen all of MotoTrek’s excellent videos can find them here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWh6PvzNVeOmEU065h-8kUw) and whine more than a little bit in my head about the cruelty of it all.
I suppose it’s time to leap into work and to stop staring at the GS parked at the curb, covered, wet, and pouting.
I hope everyone is staying safe, healthy, and home as much as possible.
<3